Rule of the Mind #7 - Your mind works to move you from pain To pleasure
Your minds number one job is to keep you alive. It believes in order to do that it must move you away from pain at all costs. As far as the subconscious mind is concerned, pain is death. And pleasure baby, is LIFE. This works out swimmingly when pleasure is defined as connection with loved ones, taking care of our bodies by eating healthy and exercising, or spending time in nature. However, more commonly pleasure looks like numbing out with red wine, binging Netflix, taking down a platter of hot chocolate chip cookies or maybe working your way around a wheel of brie.
I will often hear clients say “I know I should do X, but I really love Y.” In that moment, the mind is saying “Ooh yes, we really love Y. That brings us pleasure. Let’s do that!” It didn’t even really hear what you said about X. We also know from a previous rule of the mind (#5) that in a battle between emotion and logic emotion always wins. So, when we are linking positive emotions (like love, connection, feeling soothed) to a pleasurable activity or substance, X doesn’t stand a chance.
It can also get really tricky when the pleasure we are seeking is linked to something in our past, and we aren’t even aware of it. We think we love chocolate chip cookies because they are so damned delicious but really, it’s because Grandma made them and always gave us the first one out of the oven and that made us feel loved and special.
Let me give you a personal example. I was 9 years old, and my parents were sending me to summer camp without a single person I knew. I was terrified. I’m pretty sure I met my best friends Sandi and Stacey directly out of the womb. This was new territory for me. We pulled up to the parking lot where the bus was waiting to take us all on this adventure to hell. Everyone was already in small groups (I’m sure it wasn’t actually Everyone but it felt like it at the time) and I started to cry. My mom pulled out a bag and slid it into my hand. She told me to share this “as I saw fit.” It was a bag of candy. Candy was a rare treat in our house, and this was a BIG bag of candy. Wiping my snotty nose, I tucked it in my adidas duffle bag with the intention of eating every single delicious morsel myself.
Fast forward to sitting on my bunkbed alone, wanting to Jeannie blink my way back home to Sandi and Stacey. All the girls in my cabin had gone swimming at the lake and were clearly becoming best friends, probably making fun of me the entire time. A couple counselors came in the cabin and were surprised to see me. One recognized me as she was friends with my older sister and said it was OK if I just hung out there with them. Really?! With the much older, much cooler girls. Me?? As we laid around, I listened to them talk about the cute guys in the cabin next to us. I tried to be super chill while they talked about skinny dipping later that night. Like, naked! It was in this moment I knew exactly what I was going to do with my stash. “Do you guys want some candy?” I poured it out on the bunk bed, and I knew this was the ticket. Back in those days (yep, I just said that) candy was seriously a treat. You were lucky to get a lifesaver from the bottom of your mom’s purse. The cool girls were stoked. We spent the next two hours stuffing our faces with licorice, candy bananas and strawberries, hot lips, and smoking Popeye candy cigarettes. This was the life!
When my cabin mates got back and saw me hanging with the cool girls, I suddenly became one of them. It was the best summer ever. So why am I telling you this very, very long story (thank you if you are still with me here)? Because 44 years later I have finally figured out why candy has been such a powerful link to pleasure for me. At a time that I felt lonely and scared and left out, it brought me acceptance and friendship and love. Or so my subconscious mind made me believe. It wasn’t until hypnosis and learning about the power of the subconscious mind that I was able to put the pieces together.
Interestingly, I stopped eating candy 8 years ago when my naturopath told me it was a “cancer feeder” and I was dealing with thyroid cancer at the time. Linking candy to pain had worked pretty well to get me to stop but over time I felt the desire creeping back as the pain and fear of cancer subsided. I didn’t understand why I was once again drawn to something that I knew (consciously) was “bad.” It wasn’t until I tapped into my all-knowing subconscious mind that I was able to finally understand the connection.
At one time I believed if I had one Twizzler I would be knee deep in the bag. I no longer believe that. The emotional connection is gone. I don’t believe that candy is pleasure. I do believe that friendship is Pleasure with a capital P. It’s all in how you define it.