Rule of the Mind #5 - In a battle between emotion and logic emotion always wins.
On June 1st we became empty nesters as our 25 year old son flew the coop. While I knew this day was coming (and in fact was my idea), I was not prepared. Even though I get the rules of the mind, and I know that emotion will kick logic’s ass in a battle every time, I thought I could outwit my mind. I thought I could logic my way out of this.
“He’s 25! Totally time to move out.”
“Imagine what I can do with his room!”
“I remember how excited I was when I moved out. I want that for him.”
“He’s going to learn so much. Like how to cook. And change his sheets.”
“We’re so lucky we got this last year with him (in Covid).”
Yep, I had all the logic and yet…I was a sniffling, snotting, hysterical mess. People would lovingly try and help by stating above said logical facts, bless their hearts. My frontal lobe totally got it, but my emotional brain had other ideas.
“What if he never calls.”
“We’re not going to be as close as we were.”
“He’s not going to come to me for help anymore.”
“This house is going to be so quiet. We’re not going to have any fun.”
And the worst “I’ve lost one of my best friends”. Ugh.
In one word, I felt heartbroken and trying to logic my way out was just making things worse. Rather than just allowing the emotions to flow through me, I was engaging in this fruitless battle.
I finally stopped fighting and let the emotions flow. Fear and worry soon were replaced with sadness and grief. As Jesse patiently witnessed this melt down, he whispered “what if it’s better?” See why I’m so sad?? He’s pretty bloody great.
In that one little question, my emotions pivoted to hope and excitement and joy. If I had dug my heels into dealing with this thru logic, I would have suppressed the emotions that needed to be felt. And we know that suppressed emotions turn inward, putting physical stress on the body and resulting in a host of crappy ailments.
I also would have missed out on the positive emotions that came after. I’m so happy for him and genuinely excited for his new adventure (and ours!...naked hot tub anyone?).