If you’ve been following along with my Blog-ish posts this may sound familiar 😉 (sorry, I couldn’t resist). But seriously, this rule of the mind is the one that I come up against the most with clients (and in my own life) and the one that can create the most transformative change in your life when realized.

To really understand this rule, we want to first look closely at what is the Number one job of your mind? You might think it’s to make you happy, but really, it’s numero uno job is to keep you ALIVE. Your mind will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. And if something is familiar, your mind knows that you have clearly survived exposure to this food, substance, relationship, thought, etc, so it must be SAFE. You can see how this gets tricky.

Familiarity and patterns are also deeply rooted in how we grew up. If you were raised in a family that shared their feelings, you likely are comfortable with doing the same. If you were raised in a family that swept things under the rug, you likely have some lumpy flooring yourself. I grew up in a family of yellers (well, most of us were. Sorry mom!)  How else was one to express the level of anger or frustration they were feeling without making the walls shake? Honestly, I never really thought this was much of a problem. In fact, I think we kind of prided ourselves on our “passion” and our ability to express our emotions. It wasn’t a problem, until I married a rug sweeper.

Yelling my feelings became a major issue in my marriage. Right along with my husband’s extreme reluctance to share his emotions. We were both stuck in familiar, unhealthy patterns and for many years neither of us was willing to change. It took a LOT of personal work for us to finally realize what was happening. We were hanging on to these old beliefs that my yelling and his sweeping equals love and connection in a family. If that’s what is imprinted on you in your most formative years (between 2-7), it sticks pretty good.

So, how did I stop yelling and how did my husband learn to share more openly? It did not happen overnight; I will tell you that. It began by acknowledging where these old patterns of belief and behaviour came from. Awareness is always the point of take off. The next step was to own our feelings, and this is a solo affair. I needed to check in with myself before sharing how I felt. This was hard! I was used to going from zero to a hundred while taking my husband along for the very bumpy ride. He also had to check in with how he felt, and this alone was unfamiliar territory for him. We then took the final step of making the unfamiliar familiar. Slowly, gradually, patiently (ugh, the hardest!) we began to show what love and connection looks like in a new and healthy way.

If there is an area of your life you are wanting to change, start by acknowledging your patterns in this area. Get curious about why you feel what you feel, think what you think and do what you do. Own your feelings and decide what it is you want to change. You then begin the process of making the unfamiliar familiar. If you find yourself saying “I have no idea why I feel responsible for everyone else” or “I don’t know why I keep ending up with the same losers, or dead-end job, or in financial distress, etc” or anything along those lines you likely have a belief rooted in your subconscious mind. RTT (hypnosis) is a wonderful tool for digging out that root belief and then using a customized recording that you listen to for a minimum of 21 days to reprogram your mind. To make the unfamiliar familiar.

If you're looking for a way to break free of what's familiar and start embracing the unfamiliar, sign up for "Just Imagine..." my 90 day program designed to help you live unapologetically, live confidently, and live free.